On the Mark

 The witty parody to follow is from the desk of my colleague, David Downing.

`Twas the night before ‘Meet and Confer,’ when all through the team
Not a creature was leaving, not even the lead supreme;
The evidence was buried across the IT systems so deep,
Hopelessness was spreading and there would be no sleep;
The prosecution were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of data bits danced in their heads;
Data was collected and finally indexed,
But analysis was just starting, without the subtext.

When from the hallway there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the conference room I flew like a flash,
Tore open the doors and there was a big splash.
The computer on the table of the conference room shows,
Another set of data objects to be decomposed.

When, what to my wondering eyes could never imagine,
But patent-pending software, with a processing engine.
With content analysis, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be MetaLINCS.
More rapid than eagles the complex data came,
And it whistled, and shouted, and dealt with them by name;
“Now, Email! Now, IM! Now, Word and Powerpoint!
On, Excel! On, Backups! On, PDFs and management!
To the top of the org! To the ends of the sprawl!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the top the processing flew,
With concepts and threads, and social networks too.
And then, in a twinkling, I saw on the screen,
The visual analysis of people, data and all in between.
As I looked in amazement, and was turning around,
Down the hallway the rest of the team came with a bound.

Ready for review, from highlighting to flagging,
And annotation too - but we’re not bragging;
A bundle of software that has my laughter back,
And now there’s early case assessment too, I quack.
Our searches — how they twinkled! Statistical analysis how merry!
Thread analysis was like roses, Categorization like a cherry!
The de-duplicates were tied up like a bow,
And people analysis was as white as the snow;

Indexing captured and held tight in its teeth,
With database creation presented like a wreath;
Accessing content with a little round belly,
That shook it all out, like a bowlful of jelly.
Contextual and content searches beyond basic,
Transforming content way beyond classic,
And I laughed as I saw bits benign, not toxic;

In a wink of the eye and a twist of the head,
I soon understood I had nothing to dread;
It left out not a word, but went straight to work,
And finished all the investigations, then turned with a jerk;
Organizing it all, leaving nothing to chance,
And avoiding the problems of a continuance;
It gave to the team comprehensive cool tools,
Allowing us dreams of lots more boondoggles,
But I heard it exclaim, ere it moved out of sight,
“Happy E-Discovery to all, and to all a good-night.”

Happy Holidays Everybody

(special thanks to Sheila Baker, ghost-writer of Christmas present)

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